A College Application Mistake of Olympic Proportions
On behalf of all college counselors, I want to send a hearty “M Goi” to the Chinese government on their ethical handling of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. This very cute little girl with an impressive voice sang a Chinese song of patriotism Saturday night; what no one knew until Tuesday was the girl onstage was actually lip syncing. And why didn’t the real diva get her due onstage? According to Olympic officials, the girl who had serious pipes wasn’t “cute” enough. Now we find out some of the fireworks that were shown were fake, too—and this from the country that invented fireworks!
It would be easy enough to cut the Chinese a break, since the pressure to put on a great Olympics is heavier than the barbells they’re hoisting at the weightlifting venue. Like all things, however, one of the problems here is timing; with high school seniors heading back to school, and with the latest college rankings just published (remember—just say no to rankings), pressure of Olympic proportions may soon be on the shoulders of the largest senior class in US history—and with that pressure to succeed comes the temptation to cut a few corners.
Thanks to good ol’ American ingenuity, there are essay “coaches” out there who will be happy to “review” your college essays and tweak them a little, to the point where it’s tough to find the part you actually wrote. Well-meaning English teachers at your high school may offer to do this for no charge; while I’m a huge fan of feedback from teachers who know your writing well, having them re-write the essay for you is a huge stretch. In addition, there’s also the mistakes we make with no witnesses around; sure, you were only a member of the Chess club, but there was that one time when the advisor put you in charge when he went to grade some papers—so you’re OK with telling colleges you were actually President of the club, if only for ten minutes.
I hope you can see where this is going—or rather, where it shouldn’t be going. A college application is a reflection of who you are; that’s reflection, as in, you look in the mirror, and you see who you are. Colleges see your application as an un-Photoshopped version of you—not someone else’s best version of you, but you—and the way you put yourself in the application is to do the application yourself. Does that mean you don’t get a little help tidying up? Hey, Mom tells you to tuck in your shirt right before Thanksgiving dinner, and that’s just fine; it’s more than right for your application to show the best you—as long as it’s you.
If all of this “it’s the right thing to do” talk doesn’t do much for you—if your take on this is that the game is all about “getting in”—I’m surprised you read this column at all. But as long as you’re here, let’s say you take the bait and get your essays done for hire. You get in, and it’s two years from now—and someone else submits the same essays. How’s it going to feel when the Dean of the college walks up to you in your Greek History seminar, asks to speak with you—and tells you to bring your books with you? That will be a lonely ride home, my friend--kind of like having your Olympic medals stripped from you five years after you won them.
Or should I say, sort of won them?
(Enjoy the Olympics—I’ll see you in two weeks!)
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From August 8th:
The Real Way to Choose a College
It’s always a privilege to hear from students once they’ve gone to college. Listening to their stories reminds me of how important it is to listen to your heart, make your best choices, and be ready for life’s surprises.
Examples? Sure (with a few details changed to protect anonymity):
-- When he was still in high school, one of my students was torn between an in-state school and an out-of-state school. The difference in price was only around $2000, but then again, two grand is a little bit of money, isn’t it?
The student longed to try the out-of-state college, and off he went. After the end of his first year, he was notified that he had made the Dean’s list, and was going to receive a full tuition scholarship the next year—all that was left to pay was housing. He didn’t apply for this grant, and didn’t even know it existed—he just made the best college choice he could, worked hard, and there it was, waiting for him.
--Then there’s another student who got into one of the most select English programs in the country. Like many freshmen, she wandered around campus the first day, looking for her classroom, and was a few minutes late when she finally wandered in. As the professor made a few introductory remarks, the student found her hand going up quite a bit, asking questions and making points no one else in the class had thought about—this was easy to see, given the instructor’s facial expressions of approval.
At the end of the class period, the professor handed out the course syllabus, and my student was shocked to discover this wasn’t freshmen English after all—it was a seminar for graduate students. It turns out the class she was supposed to be in was across the hall—she’d come into the wrong classroom—but when she went up to the professor to apologize, the prof refused to let her drop the class. She dropped the freshmen English class instead, and spent her first year in college swinging with the big boys and girls in graduate school.
These real-life stories remind me of a story that I think is part of an urban legend, but still pretty cool. A professor walked in to give the final exam to his Ethics class and announced “Any student who wishes to leave right now without taking the final exam may do so and earn a B in the class.” The room was a flurry of students walking over each other to get out, leaving a handful of students in the room. When the last door closed, the professor surveyed the room, looked at his remaining students, and whispered “Nicely done. You each get an A.”
In these cases and so many more, these students weren’t pursuing college just to get in; they were pursuing college because life was calling them to do so, and listening to that call led them to great places they could never imagine. My wish for those of you packing for college is that you make that same choice every day, in college and beyond. My wish for those of you in high school is the exact same thing—you already have a life, and now is the time to give it a test drive. Getting into college is not a game, and neither is going there—it is an exercise of the heart, that builds lives that are strong with surprising opportunities.
Or, as the great golfer Gary Player said, “The more I practice, the luckier I get.”
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From August 2nd
Three Things to Make August Rock
That giant scream you heard last week came from every teacher and college counselor who saw the ads for the “Back to School” sales. This isn’t to say we won’t be happy to be back in school when it starts—IN A MONTH—it’s just that we’d like the rest of our vacation to rest on our vacation.
Still, there are probably a few rising seniors who are wondering if there’s anything they can do now to get ready for the college application process—and the answer is yes. I am sharing these three ideas with you so you won’t call or e-mail your school counselor until the first day of school—promise?
Here goes—and if you’re wondering if there’s a big hurry on these, the answer is no—but I would encourage these items to be checked off before the Summer Olympics are over:
Scope out the Web sites of your colleges, especially the rolling admission schools Somewhere between now and August 15th, most colleges will have an update posted to their admission Web site. Some will simply say “Application materials will be available after Labor Day”, but others will roll our their apps sooner than that.
This is especially important if you are applying to colleges with rolling admissions policies—in other words, the sooner you apply, the sooner you hear, and the better your chances of being admitted. It’s almost always a good idea to get a strong, well-written application into rolling app colleges as close to Labor Day as you can. One rolling app school, the
Common App is available and has many new features If the idea of typing out your name, address and class schedule on 8 different college applications makes you think about joining the circus, take a look at the Common Application. Over 300 colleges accept this one college application; it’s their way of trying to make things easier for you. The online version for this year is even better than last year’s—take a look at https://www.commonapp.org/CommonApp/Docs/CommonApp_2008-2009.pdf to find out about the new features and tools, and remember that many colleges will still ask you to complete separate essays.
It’s an election year, so get busy Many of you know I teach American Government in addition to my counseling work, and when both jobs coincide, I make the most of it—like now. We’re expecting yet another close presidential election this year; in addition, the elections for Congress are extremely important, since the possibility exists that one party may get a large majority in both the House and Senate for the first time in many years.
Whether it’s for national or local office, it’s time you got a close-up look at the people in charge of our government, what they stand for, and how you can make a difference. You don’t have to have any experience, and age doesn’t matter; two years ago, one of my high school students volunteered in April, and was the volunteer coordinator by August—and he was 17!
Do colleges like to see this kind of activity? Sure. More important, does this show you a little more about how the world works and what you can do about it? Absolutely. So find a candidate, take a few pals, and see what happens. Who knows? You may become my third student to get invited to a presidential inauguration before you turn 18.
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From July 29:
Family Reunions and College
While it’s family reunion time, the O’Connors are passing on this rite of summer. This gives me time to relate three family stories that apply to college-bound and college-seekers alike. So pass the potato salad, put that burger back on grill, and take notes. If you need a pen,ask Aunt Mary—she carries a purse that big for situations just like this.
The value of I don’t know In my youth, my immediate family was planning a birthday dinner for another relative. “She loves that restaurant that’s about an hour from here” offered one family member, “but I don’t know if they have those little birthday cakes, and I want this to be special.” Five minutes later, I emerged from my room and announced “Yes, they do have birthday cakes.” Delighted, someone asked “How did you find out?”
My response? “I called them and asked.”
As with birthday cakes, so it goes with college and college selection—if you don’t know, ask. If you do a reasonable amount of research and planning ahead, any event of discovery will be less risky than Sir Francis Drake’s, and just as rewarding. Thoughtful engagement of the unknown is a vital part of life—give it a try.
You probably aren’t the first When my dad once flew home from a business trip, he realized he didn’t have enough cash to pay for his car’s week-long stay at the airport. The parking lot took cash only, and this was just before ATMs.
As I recall, Dad said he panicked, but “I suddenly realized I couldn’t be the first person who’d ever had this problem, and I wasn’t trying to cheat them, so I knew we could work something out.” Sure enough, the attendant took my dad’s name and address from his driver’s license; when the bill came a few days later, Dad promptly paid it.
There will be times in the college search or college life when you’re stuck—you unknowingly mailed your application in without the last essay, or you went out for pizza with your roommates and accidentally left your wallet behind. Take courage in knowing you aren’t the first person this has happened to, correct the oversight quickly, thank those who help you, and move on— but remember that people’s good graces are a blessing when necessity requires their use, not something to take advantage of because it’s easier than thinking ahead.
Let others be who they are I once asked my dad for a check to pay for some invaluable trinkets I bought through a school fundraiser. When he remarked that this was a lot of money, I told him I bought some of these treasures for a girl I’d been dating, but she had broken up with me. Without raising his head or hand from his check ledger, my dad very quietly said “Well, that’s her problem.”
In the college-search and college itself, it’s tough enough to deal with your own visions of perfection, let alone anyone else’s—so don’t. If you ask a question or get in a jam, and the person you’re counting on gives you a response that would make a bear paw to your face seem soothing in comparison, let it go. This doesn’t make you or them a bad person, it just makes your question and their answer a bad fit. Go find a better one, and know it’s yours to be had.
OK—back to the horseshoes. Don’t forget to thank Aunt Mary for the pen—and skip the “Hey, you got a bowling ball in there” jibe, OK?
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From July 21st:
More Free Resources For You and Your CounselorYou’ve had a great week when it comes to finding a college, and I bet you didn’t even know it.
ConnectEDU and Prep HeadQuarters, two companies devoted to improving access to college information and simplifying the college application process, joined forces this week. One of these two services will now be available to students, parents, and counselors at over 2000 high schools nationwide—and all of these services are free to high schools and their students.
Right—free.
You won’t have to worry if your counselor knows where you’re applying to college— Connect! and Prep HeadQuarters have application trackers, so your counselor knows what to work on, and when. Remember those bright colored postcards your brother received, telling him the college he applied to doesn’t have his transcript? Connect! and Prep HeadQuarters high schools can send your transcripts electronically, so they'll arrive at the college, secure and on the same day. I could also talk about the great college and career search tools these products have, but I don’t want this to sound like a commercial—especially since I write the “Ask the Counselor” column for MyFootpath, the company that developed Prep HeadQuarters, and I serve on MyFootpath’s advisory board .
The REAL reason I’m telling you this is because you need to do yourself a favor, and become a school hero to boot. The only way you can get access to these great resources is if your high school counselor signs up for them— and while 2000 high schools is a great number, your high school may not be on board just yet. When it’s time to head back to school (I know—that time isn’t right now), you might want to bring along this column, and encourage your counselor to check out the features of both programs at www.connectedu.net ; other programs like this exist that are fee-based, like Naviance, so your school should explore all the options, and take some stress out of applying to college…
…but even this merger won’t eliminate all of the bright little postcards. Just when you think you’re done with college applications, along comes a postcard or an e-mail, saying “Thanks for applying-- now, here’s what we’re missing before we can review your application.” If this should happen to you, there’s one “do” and one “don’t” to follow— in this order:
DON’T blame anyone. Students and parents tend to blame the well-meaning but overworked school counselor for not sending something out. Maybe-- but a college receives thousands of applications with dozens of pieces of paper each week in the fall, and may have misfiled one of those pieces—or it could be it’s lying in the bottom of your locker or backpack, deviously devoted to derailing your college plans. No matter—guilt and blame won’t complete your file, and could actually get in your way. Focus on the goal, not the guilty, then…
DO see your school counselor immediately. If your counselor is busy, tell them you’re going to call the college to see if the missing information turned up—you’d be amazed how often this happens. If it’s still missing, make a plan with your counselor to get the information out, and ask them to let you know when it was sent. Double-checking with the college in a week is more than fair, and if they still don’t have it, be patient and try again—one college received six copies of one of my student’s transcripts this year, and that included at least two that were faxed.
I bet electronic transcripts are looking better and better, aren’t they? Good—tell your counselor.
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From July 14th:
The Mysteries of Money
The hold money has over college plans takes on three especially incredible forms. Here they are, and what you can do to make sure they don’t trip up your college plans:
Not asking about the cost of college Most people never—I mean, never—talk to anyone about the cost of college. If a student shows interest in a college Dad knows they can’t afford, either the college is off the list, or he’s planning on pulling out retirement savings to make the dream a reality.
There are many things a family should do before pursuing either of these options, but the first thing to do is call the college—specifically, the financial aid office. You are by no means the first family on the planet who read the college’s Web page on tuition and screamed; once you recover, pick up the phone and calmly ask these questions:
“What’s the average financial aid package at your college?” Don’t be surprised if a $35,000 college averages $15,000 in aid. Private colleges know they have to be affordable—if they aren’t, everyone goes to State U, and the private college closes.
“What is your policy on loans?” Many colleges have new policies to keep loans as small as possible—or they may have new policies starting next year that eliminate loans all together.
“What could I qualify for?” This may involve the faxing of tax forms, etc., but almost every financial aid office can point you to some tool that estimates what you would most likely have to pay.
Not filling out the forms Speaking of screaming, nothing drives me to my window ledge faster than hearing parents say they aren’t going to fill out the financial aid forms because they won’t qualify. Of course, they’re right—they won’t qualify if they don’t fill out the forms.
Think of it this way. Paying $40,000 for college is like buying a nice car. Do you pay cash for cars in one lump sum? Right—you work something out, at least monthly payments. Four years of college can be like buying a $40,000 car every year for four years in a row. “Gee” you‘re thinking, “ I’ve never done that before, but if I did, I bet I’d need some help.”
Welcome home, friend! Call financial aid, go to www.fafsa.ed.gov, fill out the forms, and see what happens—if they somehow say no, at least you’ve done all you can.
Not applying for scholarships www.finaid.org will actually e-mail notices to you about scholarships, so it’s not hard to find them. What’s hard is when seniors say “But I just finished all my college essays—I don’t really want to write more essays for a scholarship.”
I see. So when your strategy pays off and the boy of your dreams asks you to prom, you’ll be wearing jeans to the big date, because you’ll be too worn out to go shopping, eh?
I know it’s hard, but in many cases, the main ideas of your college essays will serve you well when writing scholarship essays—and this way, you get to afford more of the colleges you’ve just applied to. Mary Lou Retton stuck the landing, and so can you—keep writing.
When it comes to college, most people think about money either too much or too little. But it’s not the thinking that counts—it’s the acting. Freeze the fear, ask lots of questions, create lots of options, and you’ll see that money will be your partner, not your panic.
(What do you mean, who’s Mary Lou Retton?)
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From July 3rd:
The Rep Will Visit You—Right?
A couple of weeks ago, I talked about the impact high gas prices were having on students visiting college campuses, and some suggestions on how to stretch your travel dollars. One option I didn’t mention was not visiting at all and waiting for the colleges to come see you, just like last year. I like this thinking—it’s green, pragmatic, and thrifty.
There may be only one problem—State U may not be coming this year.
While it’s early in the game, some colleges may be cutting their travel budgets this year. Colleges that are used to driving to your high school must contend with gas prices that are 25% higher than last year. Colleges that have visited by airplane are in for a double whammy—the cost of air travel has gone up due to fuel prices, and airlines are making major cuts in flights offered after Labor Day, raising the price of seats even more.
Even though the number of high school seniors will hit a record next year, no college can afford the “if we open, they will come” strategy—so they’re going to do something to touch base with you, but maybe not what they did last year.
Like what? Well:
· One visit and not two. Some reps visit high schools twice a year—once for a college night and once for a separate visit. That very well may change—if reps can’t schedule the separate visit the same day of the college fair, they may choose one or the other.
· More area visits and less high school visits. Since city driving really sucks up the gas, look for colleges to replace visiting five separate high schools with a hotel visit for you to attend. This can actually be a plus, since many high schools limit college rep visits to after school (during play practice) or during lunch (“yo, incoming French fry!”). This will give you a better chance to focus on the college—but you’ll need a little more persistence in getting to know your rep.
· Car pooling. Don’t be surprised if reps from two geographically close colleges drive in together for school visits. This could lead to *more* colleges visiting your high school—unless they hold their sessions at the same time. Bummer!
· Targeted open houses. Colleges may try to entice you to visit campus with even more goodies—like an open house just for your high school where they will give you an on-the-spot admissions decision.
· Web visits. Five years ago, colleges put a lot of money into campus “visits” that occurred through online video and a telephone hook up, but few students used the service. Oil may make those options more slick this year, along with the improved technologies in Webinars.
The motto of college admissions is “this year isn’t last year”, so stay in close touch with your counselor and the college Web sites to find out when, where, and how they’ll be reaching out to meet you this year, and be ready to go with the flow.
In that column, I also suggested students forced to choose between visiting a big college and a small college in the summer choose the big one. A colleague at a small college let me know there is plenty going on at her college this summer, which is near a resort town. My vote would be for students to visit both colleges at some point—but if summer plans force you to choose, a big college in summer mode can only happen during the summer. No foul intended.
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From June 27th:
Some SATisfying News
A couple of weeks ago, I finished a column by suggesting you print it out, put it on the side of the refrigerator, and read it the week before school starts. That’s the way I feel about most of my summer columns—and this week’s is no exception, even though it involves the SAT.
Dude, was that your glass of lemonade I just heard braking on the patio?
Since the dawn of time, College Board has had an “all or nothing” score-report policy; if a student wanted to send their SAT results to a college, they had to send the scores for every SAT they took, including the great scores they got a month ago, the bad scores they got when they took the test the morning after prom, and the Subject Test results this particular college doesn’t really care about.
As of February 2009, those days are over. If students only want to send one set of SAT scores, they’ll be able to – this includes the results of SAT tests they took before February 2009. In addition, students will be able to send individual SAT Subject test results—if ya took three and the college only requires two, you’ll be able to send just two. All of this is at no additional charge beyond what you normally pay for the SAT or to send scores after you took the test — check out http://professionals.collegeboard.com/testing/sat-reasoning/scores/policy for more information, and remember you must ask for this service—if you don’t specify which scores to send, College Board will automatically send all of them.
If this sounds like great news for juniors, sophomores, and freshmen, it is. As you try and sort out the best college test for you to take (or if you want to take one at all—don’t forget the test optional colleges), you won’t have the added freak factor of having to smoke the SAT on the first try, as long as the colleges you’re applying to don’t require you to submit every score of every attempt. Some colleges (not many) have welcomed the chance to look at your complete testing history. If a college still wants to see every SAT score, you’re obligated to send everything, since hiding test scores (or grades) from a college can be grounds for them to automatically reject your application, or remove you from college once you start going there…
…but this is still great news. With this new option for reporting SAT scores, colleges (and the College Board) will have to be a little clearer about exactly what test scores each college wants—so you won’t have to guess or dig around for that information like your older siblings did. If you’re uncertain, call the college and ask.
Also keep in mind that many of the colleges who ask for all scores do this to help you. Many will combine the best subscores from different test dates to give you the highest possible test results—so you might want to send all test scores anyway. This could also comes in handy with scholarships—just ask the student who qualified for an additional $40,000 scholarship once their college found out about a second set of test scores that had a couple of higher subscores. Can you say cha-ching?
Actually, I hope all this news makes you say for now is “Cool”, and that you keep yours—after all, it’s summer.
Now go teach your sister how to braid her hair—and no woofing the seniors just because they don’t have this score reporting option, or they may braid your hair into a pretzel.
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From June 21st
Don’t Make Me Drive This Car!
The parents who read this column know I’m a big advocate of visiting college campuses. They also know why this makes sense—your parents never bought a house without looking at it in person, so why should they send you to a new home you’ve never seen?
Still, moms and dads have a tough time with the timing of a visit. I’m a firm believer in visits during the middle of the week when school is in session—specifically, late October or February. Why not go in July, they ask, since we drive past lots of nice colleges on the way to the Family Reunion?
It’s always been tough winning this argument, and now it seems the ‘rents have some muscle on their side—OPEC. With gas coming in at about four downloads a gallon, it’s tougher to root for fall visits—and the whole "the airline will be happy to supply a pilot for an additional $15 per passenger” thing isn’t helping.
I still think fall visits are better, but here are some energy conservation tips for the college visitor:
· Call ahead. Many small colleges don’t offer summer classes, and some give the admissions staff a four-day work week to conserve energy on several fronts. If all that’s on campus when you visit is a junior high lacrosse camp, it’s not worth the trip— head straight to Aunt Bertha’s instead.
· Call ahead Part 2. If it sounds like there will be signs of life when you’ll be there, schedule a tour, then call the college departments you’re interested in. You may be hitting campus when a professor comes in to check mail; if so, you’re in for a great opportunity to find out if the college is for you. If the secretary says no one will be in, drop by once you get there— profs aren’t always rigid to a summer schedule.
· Think Big. If it’s down to visiting a big or small college, go with big. There’s a better chance enough will be going on in the summer to show you what fall would be like—and that’s the goal. You might also discover attending college in the summer semester is a great (and cheaper) way to make a big college feel like a small one— there’s lots more space, and most folks are more laid back.
· Call Amtrak. In the past, Amtrak has offered travel discounts to student/parent pairs visiting campuses. Most of these discounts have been in the fall, and now that trains are filling up (glug glug), they might not offer them at all. CALL and ask—their Web site might not give you all the info, so a verbal inquiry is the right thing to do here.
· Car Pool. I know, I know—you don’t really want to visit colleges with Donny Osmond and Martin Lawrence. “College Road Trip” aside, this isn’t a bad way to save money, and if you split the cost of gas in half, it will cost LESS than it did two years ago—and you can visit in October!
· Bring Khakis. If you’re visiting a college that requires interviews, you might be able to score a July meeting. Ask when you call, and again when you visit—and remember, no ripped denim shorts on campus.
Finally, if your summer travels take you to
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From June 13th:
A List to Save for September
I had the chance to meet with admissions officers from 5 highly selective colleges today. I asked them if they had any recommendations for what to put on a college application, and what to avoid-- here’s what they said:
* DO pay very close attention to the essays. One of the reps reads the student’s essays before anything else. Since the essays make the first impression, you want these to radiate with youness—and be sure to put just as much polish into a question that calls for a short answer as one that requires a long answer. Many students don’t put a lot of effort into the questions that ask for a 100-250 word answer—and it shows.
* DO be thoughtful about every written communication you send, especially e-mail. The informality of your e-mail address or the actual message can be a turn-off; the reps want to hear what you have to say, but they aren’t your bffs, so strike the right balance of informality and focus. And plz, no text message abbreviations, or poor spelling.
* DO clean up your Facebook page. Sometimes they look, and sometimes it costs you.
* DON’T go overboard on letters of recommendation. The reps agree with the rule that it’s OK to send one letter more than the college asks for, as long as that letter says something new about you. It could be a turn-off if Letter Three says the same thing as Letter One, and no matter what Letter Seven says, sending that many is almost assuredly a turn-off.
* DON’T stalk a rep or a college. You want to show colleges you’re serious about going there, but if you’ve visited the campus, met with the rep at your high school, and e-mailed them with a couple of questions you really didn’t know the answers to, you’re in pretty good shape. E-mailing them weekly about your English Lit grade is going overboard, and attending the Admitted Students program if you’re still on the waitlist (yup, it happened) is just plain wrong.
* DO show your interest the right way—through the application. Online applications make it easier to apply to more colleges, but if you haven’t done your homework, your answer to the “why us?” won’t give you the boost you need to get considered. The reason to scope out the college closely isn’t just so you can get admitted—it’s so you can figure out if you really want to go there (hello!) Use the Internet, make sure your campus visits lasts more than two hours, and know who you are, and the essays should flow nicely.
* DON’T have a teacher write a recommendation if they don’t know you well and can’t say good things. The reps all said the biggest waste of time and opportunity occurs when teachers write about themselves (“I’m on the board of trustees at some other college”) or list your accomplishments (you list those somewhere else.) The reps want a detailed, supportive snapshot of your life in that teacher’s classroom—aim for that when asking for letters.
* DO show them your whole life. Reps want to know if you have to work to support your family, or if you drive your sister to skating three times a week. Essays are a two dimensional version of an interview with you, and the small stuff is the glue that holds the big stuff together.
Print this out and put it on the side of the fridge for safe keeping. You’ll see it again in August—and I’ll see you in two weeks!
From June 1
Why College is Yours
Good news! Since I have once again been overlooked as a commencement day speaker by every
About twenty years ago, the Detroit Pistons defeated the Boston Celtics in the NBA playoffs, giving the Pistons a chance to play for the league championship. This was a big deal, since these were the Celtics of Larry Bird, the hardest working player in the history of basketball, at least at that time. As soon as the game was over, Larry Bird walked over to Pistons captain Isiah Thomas and talked to him. As I remember it, Isiah said Larry told him not to be happy just going to the finals. He said the first time he went to the final round, he was glad he made it—and he played like the outcome of the finals didn’t really matter. Making it isn’t enough--you have to play to win.
Now that high school is over, and college is a few months away, that’s the advice I have for the Class of 2008—play to win. I’m not saying you need to spend your summer re-reading Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man or trying to re-learn the difference between convex and concave mirrors. You worked hard this year, and you deserve a few days (or even a whole summer) off to celebrate and regenerate. Of course, if James Joyce is The Man in your eyes, summer reading isn’t a bad idea—it’s just that it’s up to you.
Once it’s time for college though, it’s game on—or should I say, game back on. College means new classes and new people and new opportunities, and that is very cool, as long as you make the most of them. If you bring the same energy and talents you used to make the most out of high school, college will be all you could have hoped for, and more. On the other hand, if you’re too busy just being glad you made it, and you think college is more about being able to stay up until 3 and eating Oreos for breakfast, you’re not just saying “no thanks” to college-- you’re saying “no thanks” to you.
When you applied to college, you saw the future you could create for yourself—the ideas that would make your life richer, the opportunities that would make your vision wider, the experiences that would make your principles deeper. That’s what’s waiting for you—that’s why college is yours. If you did it right, applying to college taught you how to make the most out of the life you have—and now you get to live that great life and watch it grow in college, as long as you’re willing to wear something besides pajamas to class and join the truly living
I do my best to avoid sports phrases when I write, since too many people think ‘winning’ only comes in one flavor, and it means there has to be losers. Do me a favor—take a good, long look at yourself in whatever you’re wearing to graduation. What you’re seeing is a picture of winning, drawn through many days, challenges, and adventures in the world only you have known. You’ve done a great job drawing that picture, and you deserve a world of joy. It’s waiting for you, both in the long days of summer, at a special place called college. Have a great time when you get there—just don’t forget your crayons.
____________________________
From May 23rd:
Time for The Talk
The time for the talk has probably come. Put it off if you will, hope the schools will take care of this parental duty, or walk on the wild side and hope your child have been educated by their friends-- your nightly ritual will soon be interrupted by the meekest voice your teenager has within them to ask:
“Mom and Dad, how are we paying for college?”
If the idea of this conversation scares you, consider the alternative—do you really want them not to know?
This talk needs to be timed just right. With all students have to do in 9th and 10th grade, talking to them about FAFSAs and 529 accounts may take their eye off the academic ball. Then again, if your junior is about to put their first list of 6-8 colleges together, they need to know which ones are affordable (the list needs at least two of these), and which ones will depend on more help from the financial aid office.
Over-rehearsed “conversations” can lead to too much technical jargon (“Zero Coupon Bonds? Dude, I’m outta here!”), but you also want a discussion that doesn’t leave you looking like a fiscal bonehead. Try this approach:
· Tell your child how proud you are of them. A good college search is centered on the wonderful person your child is—not on how wonderful their grades are, or how wonderful it will be to brag at the club or pub about the full ride scholarship they got. This is about them the person—and showing them your support and recognition is pivotal.
· Let them know you want to help with their college search. It could be your child has shown no interest in visiting colleges because they think you’re too busy—even if you are, tell them you will find a way to help them scope out their next home. Take the search process for granted, and they may feel you are taking them for granted.
· Give them some idea what you can pay for college. This will require research; Web sites like www.collegeboard.com will tell you the costs of many colleges, and a site like www.finaid.org has a college cost calculator that estimates the part you’ll pay. You can also find out how much financial aid a college gives to most students by calling them and asking; many colleges have a lot of money to give, so don’t be afraid to ask.
· Discuss dollar amounts, not colleges. If you start by saying “We can afford to send you to Western State U”, your child will hear “this is where you’re going to college.” Talk about a dollar amount first; if your child asks if you can afford College X and you don’t know, tell them you’ll find out—then call the financial aid office and see where things lie.
· If you have no money saved for college, say so—and then get busy. Ask at work or your child’s school for a good financial planner, and check your state government Web site for other information. Share the plan’s progress with your child—and be sure to let them know what their role will be in terms of work, loans, and so forth.
Finally, be flexible. Rules, resources, and rates for college tuition change every year with no particular pattern. You can’t shield your child from every surprise, but letting them know early where things stand and establishing a sense of team in the journey that is college will keep your goals and relationship humming like—well, like the birds and the bees.
From May 16th:
Summer Reading
Some high schools have summer reading lists. If you’re school does this, remember they’re telling you what to read, but now where to read it; Jane Austen at the beach, a couple of Emily Dickinson poems at the ballpark, and reading Thoreau’s Walden in a hammock? Dude!
I would (of course) recommend another reading of College is Yours, and a thoughtful consideration of these questions underneath a big tree on a blue sky day:
What am I giving and receiving as a member of my school community? If your homework load, spring sports, and prom prep are freaking you out right now, July might be a good time to think about what happened this year, to make sure it doesn’t happen next year (even if that next year is at college). Ask yourself--what’s at school that stokes you? If nothing- or too much-- comes to mind, sort this out over summer—and remember, the answer has to come from something you’re willing to do differently, not what you want others to change for you.
What am I giving and receiving as a member of my classroom community? You may love school because of the dances, the robotics competitions, or the smell in the cafeteria on Taco Friday. Cool—but what about when the bell rings? Many of us are right there when a friend pours out their heart in the hallway-- do we listen when someone (student or teacher) pours out their academic joys, insights, or challenges in English or History? Are we as thoughtful, prepared, respectful and focused in a classroom as we are about the play, the team, the dance, or the friends ?
And what about your classmates-- do you see them as strangers, the enemy, or people with viewpoints you need to hear? Do you spend more class time focused what you’ll say to your peeps at lunch than on the people right in front of you? Grandma said you have two ears and one mouth ‘cause you’re supposed to listen twice as much as talk. Give that a try next time the teacher calls for small group discussion about the writings of Garrison Keillor, and you’ll discover listening, like ketchup, has natural mellowing agents.
What parts of school am I applying outside of school? The motto of my favorite high school was “Enter to learn; go forth to serve.” How are you doing with that? Do you walk on the lawns of your school’s neighbors on the way home? Do you walk on the mental lawns of your neighbors or loved ones at home?
Students who wear different clothes get our respect, or at least a pass-- what does Uncle Bob get from you when he comes for Thanksgiving dinner, hopelessly devoted to the fashions of the 70s? What comes to mind when a rusted pickup truck pulls up at a traffic light? What do we do when an earthquake hits
In the midst of the march towards the awesome skydive that’s the end of school, it’s easy to say “I’m glad that’s done.” I get that—but if you take some time this summer to think about all school did for you, not to you, you might find yourself as psyched about jumping into September as you are about jumping into the pool. From May 15:
And what does all of this have to do with college? Whoa—another summer question to ponder!
DON’T Name That College
I can’t hold back the teacher in me today—it’s time for a pop quiz. The subject is “Name That College.” Read the stories below, then identify the colleges they describe.
1. This college’s softball team was playing a league rival. A player on the opposing team hit her first home run ever—but as she got to first base, her knee blew out. She can’t run, she can’t walk, she can’t stand; if a coach or trainer touches her, she’s out, and the home run doesn’t count.
However, the first baseman from our mystery college knows there’s nothing in the rulebook that says she can’t help the injured player—so the first baseman and shortstop from our college carry the injured player around the bases, and stop at each base for her to gently touch each one. The opposing team wins the game 4-2—in other words, the run that won the game was the run the injured player scored while being carried around the bases by two players from our mystery college.
2. A recent graduate of this college was asked about her fellow students, and she responded by saying many of them weren’t very nice. When asked to explain what she meant, she said “I mean the kind of ‘nice’ that involves showing compassion not merely because membership in community service groups demands it. The kind of ‘nice’ that involves lending a textbook to a friend who doesn't have one. The kind of selfless, genuine ‘nice’ that makes this world a better place – but won't get you accepted to college.”
I’m sure you’d like to know the answers-- but let’s talk about your answers. As you read about College 1, did you say “It has to be an Ivy League school—the students there can see the big picture, and show a lot of class.” As you read about College 2, did you say “This must be a college no one has heard of— people this self-centered don’t deserve to go to a great school.”
Or was it the other way around—did you think College 1 must be a local college filled with students who care more about others than they do about themselves, and College 2 is a typical selective college where self-centered thinking rules?
If you find yourself thinking anything like this, the answer to the quiz is “look more closely.” For all we know, the student in College 2 was in a bad dormitory for four years, and the students at College 1 punished the first baseman for blowing the game by making her wash the team uniforms with stones and a washboard. One baseball player’s actions or one alumna’s views may not represent an objective view of the college—and it may not be the way you’d view either of these colleges if you visited them.
There are more college choices to make than ever before—so many, it’s impossible to get in-depth information on all of your 2600
(I really don’t want to tell you the names of the colleges, but I must report my sources):
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/columns/story?id=3372631
http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/0505/p09s03-coop.html
__________________
From May 1st:
And now, back to our regularly scheduled schedule
Welcome to May 2nd—the first day of your life after applying to college. It would be great if yesterday were it, if we could all meet for a pizzafest that would last until August and discuss weighty matters like “If Miley Cyrus is Hannah Montana, is it ethical to promote her tour as a duet?” Incredibly enough, colleges are generally not keen on this approach—they have this idea in their head that the reason you want to go to college is because you love learning, and since the high school you said you loved so much (remember those essays?) is still in session, they are expecting you will do the following:
· Keep going to school. Somewhere in that mighty mass of paperwork you filled out (you did send in the rooming deposit too, right?), there was a small paragraph saying you are welcome to come to college, provided you finish high school. Since many high schools understand seniors are anxious to leave, you may not have to go much longer—but you still have to go. I know—fussy, fussy, fussy.
· Do well with high school. Some colleges said you have to finish--but a whole lot more have said you need to complete high school with grades that are “consistent with the standards of our college and your past record.” This means this semester’s report card needs to look, more or less, like last semester’s report card. In June, colleges will ask for a final transcript, which will include this term’s grades. If the 5 As and one B from last term turned into 4 Cs, one D, and one Don’t Ask this term, there’s a great chance you’ll get another letter from your college, saying one of three things:
o “We’ve noticed a change in your grades. Please contact our office for an appointment to discuss your admission status.”
o (This is my personal favorite). “We’ve noticed a change in your grades, so we’re not sure if you’re interested in learning anymore. Please follow the enclosed directions and submit a 20 page research paper to our office by July 4th for our review.”
o “We’re sorry, but your work has fallen below acceptable standards. We have to revoke your admission.”
Stephen Covey wrote “You can’t talk your way out of something you’ve behaved yourself into.” If you haven’t experienced this yet with your parents, prom date, or vice principal, now is not the time to experience it with a college-- keep up the grades, because this really does happen.
· Do me a favor. People much smarter than me have probably talked to you about being safe in the next six weeks. Between saying “see ya” to high school and “howdy” to college, there are ample opportunities to relax, celebrate—and go overboard. Decisions about drinking, drug use, and intimate relationships are best made with a lot of thought ahead of time, as opposed to the “hey, why not” perspective that often exists at prom or graduation party.
If you think writing a 20 page term paper to get back into college is no fun, you don’t even want to hear about the downside of bad lifestyle choices. The people who have talked to you care about you deeply, and so do I— make your choices now and stick to them later, and if you need some help talking things out, there are a couple of people in your house who would love to listen to you, before you go off to your next home-- at the college that is yours._______________________
From April 25th
Eenie Meanie Minie? Whoa!
Some of you have that Cameron Fry look about you. Don’t pretend it isn’t you—even though I’m sitting at a computer, I can see it in your eyes, so this is big trouble.
You’ll recall Cameron was the guy who let Ferris Bueller use his dad’s Ferrari for a day off. As they cruise home, Cameron peeks at the odometer on the car and freaks.
That may be you, right now. You’ve got a week until May 1st, the Universal Response Date for colleges in the
If you’ve already done this, it’s over, you can go home now—or e-mail me and tell me how Alan Ruck pulled off playing teenager Cameron Fry, considering Alan was 29 at the time.
If you’re still here, you probably haven’t replied to one college because you don’t know what to do. I understand—you probably hoped only one college would accept you, but now 3 schools you love are begging you to come, and you’re stuck.
There are lots of things to think about—cost, distance from home, friends who are/aren’t going there—and we’ve talked about a lot of those already. As next Thursday approaches, here are a few final issues to consider:
· Don’t think about next year—think about the year after that.